Home Sweet Home

In the flurry of my Social Butterfly Buzz - I did have a moment of respite.  A weekend with my entire family across the country.  It was glorious.  This is not the home where I grew up...in fact, it's in another state.  But as they say, home is where the heart is... and my heart was now in this place.

I do love where I live right now in California.  It's a good life in general.  A great city, beautiful weather and I've finally found myself in the throes of warm friendships and happy times.  All of this is wonderful.

But...close my eyes and I'm still without my heart and soul.  I'm still without my family and a family of my own.  Satisfying at least one of those cravings would serve to ease the ache.

As I landed at the airport and drove home to my parents' house with Dad behind the wheel, I felt the comfort of being there with those I love.  While I miss my family all the time, when I'm in L.A., daily life takes over and somehow that distance isn't such a struggle.  Some days are harder than others, to be sure.

I walked in the door, greeted by my Mother's warm embrace and my Brother's smiling face - red wine already in hand.  This was a time to celebrate and relax with my siblings.  In true fashion, my Brother (who I hadn't seen in a year and a half) was already getting started on the celebrating.  The ritual wine drinking had begun and I couldn't help but smile and join him in a cheers.

Later my eldest brother arrived with his family.  His children are the light of my life.  They've grown so much in so little time, I could see life passing before my eyes.  

The next day, I saw my Sister and her family.  It was only getting better.

Although it brings me great comfort and I think it would be great, I try not to romanticize living near my family too much.  I often ponder whether I dare pick up and move and hope for the best or whether I stay the course from where I am and wait until the time is right....if it ever IS right. Perhaps my own family would begin right here and all would be as it should be.  There was no real way to know.

If I needed a safety net while my Sweet Dream is built - should I do what I do here, THERE?  Could I even do that...do the opportunities exist?  The thought of being a big fish in a small pond was sort of exhilarating.  But I feared migrating from such a big, cosmopolitan city (a sign of such success) would leave me wanting for more.  Or was that the exact mentality that's put me where I am?  So much to unravel.

So far this big city wasn't filling the gaping hole in my heart.  Maybe I needed more time here or maybe I needed to think more deeply about downsizing and heading Home - to serve a greater good.

Food for thought.

Sweet Dreams, 

Me

"Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - Oliver Wendell Holmes